Know God for yourself

In this day in age there’s has been a huge backlash when it comes to the church specifically black churches. Just last week I was minding my own business getting my pedicure when my BFF texted me and said

“Have you heard about your Pastor”?

I’m like

“Naw what happened”?

He proceeds to send me the link to the article and my jaw drops to the ground. I’m reading this information and the first thing I think is “NO, not my Pastor”!  I quickly denied the allegations that was against him. Then, my phone rings and I’m talking  with my close friends and family about this situation.   I’m thinking in my head “Is this news true? Would my Pastor really do this?

I know some of y’all been in my shoes before. For centuries the church has had impact on people and their lives. We look up to our pastors and anyone in a high position at church to help us with our walk with God. We lean on them to help us understand the word.   To us they are our leaders and they are wise. They know God on a different level and to us it’s their jobs to elevate us and encourage us to be the same way.

When they have a word they indeed give a word! We cry and shout. We lift our hands and receive the things that they speak over our lives.  You thank God for this man/woman because they have blessed your life tremendously.

But, what happens when they make a mistake?  You find out that your pastor has infidelity issues?  Domestic violence dispute? He’s been using the tithes and offering for his own good use? He’s been using that money to pay off debt?  Been living a double life of sleeping with men and women?  Or worse got caught up in pedophilia case?  I ask this because I want to know what would you do? How would you feel?

I can tell you how I felt when I saw that poorly written article.   I was shocked and appalled. I was confused. I was like now I’ve been going to this church since I was a toddler and all of the sudden this happens?  I was raised in this church so it was affecting me. I spoke to a few friends and they told me that if our Pastor was guilty they would leave the church.   I said  “I’m not leaving because that’s my home and I know that he’s not guilty and I know God for myself”.

Read what I said when I was ending the conversation because I know that you stopped at I know he’s not guilty and he probably want to click off. I said that I know God for myself.  That’s what I have a issue when it comes to some people. You left the church because of that but do you know God?  Do you really try to establish a relationship with him?  When the service is over and the doors close for that week, what are you doing outside of the building? Are trying to pick up your bible and read? Are you trying to live your life in the most positive way?

Perfect scripture Psalm 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans.  This means that we can not put all our trust into men. That includes our pastors, bishops, deacons or priest. We can’t do it because they are only human, and as humans we make mistakes.   When you are called by God and you’re in a leadership position we know that they have to set an example for the people that they are leading.

Every now and then there comes a time when they fall short.  Just like us they make mistakes small ones and big ones.I hate to say this but at the end of the day we can not judge these people. Yes we can get upset. We can share our feelings about it. What we really need to do is talk to God about it.  First pray for your pastor and the family that affected by the situation. We want our pastors to pray for us all of the time but are you doing the same?  Then say “Hey God you know what this situation sucks, it really does. You know everything. It’s just not the same anymore remove me when it’s my time to do it”.

It’s a hard to think that any person that you look up too would disappoint you so much. I encourage you to don’t let people especially in church take away your love for God because he’s done so much for you! Don’t give up! if you need a while to take a break from church then do it. But don’t let that be a set back for you! Find a church that’s good to feed you spiritually. Last but not least, always remember to know him for yourself!



God’s Timing

I needed this!


And some of them said, “Could not this Man, who opened the eyes of the blind, also have kept this man [Lazarus] from dying?” John 11:37

A young man visited the father of his girlfriend to ask the father’s permission to marry his daughter. To his surprise, the father said “No.” The young man thought it was a formality; the father took it much more seriously. The father explained to the young man that there were character and behavioral issues in the young man’s life that concerned him. If he would agree to work on those issues, they could talk again about marriage.

Timing in life is often a puzzle to us. We ask God for something and we wonder why He doesn’t immediately say “Yes.” Even more puzzling, God is aware of our needs even before we ask (Matthew 6:8), so why doesn’t He just provide what we need…

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Where has the time gone? WTH ( what the heck)am I doing?

Tick-tock goes the clock.  I remember I was so happy about turning thirty years old.  I went to Las Vegas with 3 of my great friends. We had a great time. That morning I woke up and I prayed for a very long time. I prayed to have a prosperous year and a few other things.  Then I look up and I’m turning thirty-one.  Okay..okay what the hay?  Really? How did it go by so fast? Where did the time go? Obviously, it went right before my eyes.   I wrote down a list at work ( when I was supposed to be working ha ha) and what I have accomplished the past year so let’s see!

  1. I paid off my car note! (Hallelujah! Won’t he do it!) I paid my last note in June. I was so happy!  Despite of me paying it off my car had a few mishaps. You know brakes needed to be fixed, dead battery and engine firing. You know what? I love my car! I love my white 2010 corolla. I brought that car straight out of college and I’m not letting it go yet!
  2.  My loans are half way paid for. Well a few of them. I’ve been consistently paying my loans.  I officially owe less than _________thousand dollars! lol
  3. I almost..ALMOST thought that I was going to be in some kind of relationship. Of course that didn’t last long! I don’t want to bring that up.   Read my three blogs C is for Chill S is for space. You’ll see the deal. To think I had prayed for a “man” on my thirtieth birthday! God had other plans for me. Can a girl dream though?
  4. On February I decided to get a gym membership and I’ve been going since.  I’ve been trying to take care of my body and eat more healthy. I ran into an old co-worker and now I have a gym buddy! I actually have a couple of gym buddies! It’s cool to know that I’m alone.
  5. My circle of friends is much smaller.  I remember when I was twenty-one I had lots of “friends”.  I can count on one hand who my real friends are. Guess what? I’m okay with that.
  6. I speak my mind more. I used to let people walk over me especially if I was intimidated. Now, I don’t care. I have no filter.  I really don’t care what people think of me. That goes back to number five.
  7. I  have new hobbies! (yay!) I really love to cook. I like to try out new dishes. I like to bake . It just relaxes me. I love to plan events for people. I love art. The hard thing about being creative is finding out what you can do. I’ve also been dipping and dabbing in writing a comedy sitcom. When you put your mind to never know!
  8. My make-up skills are much better! Honey when I tell you I can beat this mug! (Thanks to my mom.)  I’ve really invested in buying good quality makeup.  I don’t do my make-up every day. Oh but when I do, watch out now!
  9. The clothing and where I shop are much better! I’ve been gradually changing the way I dress. I dress my age. I can’t dress like an adolescent.  I need to dress like a grown woman.
  10.  I’ve managed to whip my 4c hair into submission (sort of ha ha) On the serious note I have been learning how to style my hair in different ways.  I love my natural hair!


So, there you have it. I pretty much have grown then. Lord knows I have a long way to go! All I can do is continue to grow and I find myself doing that everyday.

When you know it’s time for a change…

So this week has been the slowest week for me! To make the long story short,  Monday morning I woke up and I didn’t feel like going to work. I just didn’t feel like it! I didn’t want to be around anybody I didn’t want to see them! I didn’t want to talk to them. I didn’t want to answer the phone, I just wanted peace. I wanted some “me” time. I wanted to stay home and just think about anything but my job!  I still went in though.

The weather was bad too but for some reason traffic wasn’t all that bad.  I got to work in no time.  I clocked in and sat at my desk and logged on my computer and the first thing I saw was two doctors had sent me cancelling their clinic. The first one was from a doctor and she was sick. Then another doctor emailed me this bogus email about how he forgot he had an important “doctors appointment” that he forgot about and to cancel his clinic.

So, this dude forgot he had an appointment? WHO THE HECK FORGETS THEY HAVE AN IMPORTANT DOCTORS APPOINTMENT? I mean damn really? So, I called all the patients and I left messages and rescheduled the ones that answered. After the last call I looked outside and it was dreary and raining. I thought to myself “I don’t want to be here, I want to go home”.  That’s exactly what I did.

I talked to my team leader and told him I wasn’t feeling well by noon I was out of there! I speed out the parking lot and drove to Starbucks to get me a black mango tea, I went to Buckees to get me and snack and I brought myself lunch. I got home stripped out my uniform and start working on my teachers certification.   I was at peace no one was around me bothering me or asking me stupid ass questions about how to send a damn fax . (I work with residents)  Right then I knew what my ah-ha moment was for 2016.  Never give up.

I stopped doing my certification and it got me no where. I knew that once I started it back up, that’s what I was supposed to be doing.  when it’s time for you to leave you know it’s time when you leave work early or when it’s hard for you to get ready for your job. All you can do is continue to press on and do what you’re doing in order to take the next step in life. That’s exactly what I’m going to do.  Until next time!




I should have…saved my $ C.R.E.A.M.

Everyone knows the hit song by Wu Tang C.R.E.A.M.

I Charmaine Hudson should’ve saved my money more often. I should end the blog right now because that’s what I should have done.

I feel as if I need to explain myself. While C.R.E.A.M. is one of my favorite hip-hop songs I don’t think that Wu Tang and I have the same meaning.  You see, I use to have a horrible shopping problem. When I got depressed or sad I would shop. When I got angry I would shop. When I was stressed I shop. Happy, excited, all of the emotions I would shop or spend my money on something.

I think back when I was 19 years old and how excited I opened my first bank account. That was my stepping stone to adulthood. I thought “My parents don’t have to buy me anything”! I started off great saving my money. I managed it down to the T. Some where though I began to not manage my money. I could tell you the whole story. I can write a book about it. All I can say is I wished I would’ve managed more.

Now, I am much better than what I use to be.  I’m much older and keep a tight budget. I want to move out my parents home as soon as possible!  I was so use to being on my own during college that this had thrown me for a loop!  I can say that this is maturing me on a different level!  Starting from scratch is what I needed to do in order to help my spending skills.

So this is my confession. Shoulda coulda woulda….. well I learned from that and it’s paying off well!


Yea, so…umm this is so out of my league because I never write about this. I am not an expert at all. I don’t touch on this subject because I’m not too comfortable about it. But, this is what the blogging challenge is all about. So, here we go.
I’m a conservative person when it comes to sex. I do believe that you need to wait until you are married. If not then make sure that you’re in love.
When I made the decision to do that I was not in love with him. I do regret that I wasn’t with someone I was in love with because I never been in love before.
It was a mutal agreement. It wasn’t like the movies where they fall in love. I didn’t fall in love with him. As
a matter of fact  we only spoke a few times and I moved on. He was a good guy just not for me at the moment.
I’ve decided to sustain from sex because I want too. There are too many things out there and I want to wait until I’m in a serious relationship and we’re in love.

CHALLENGE: education is key or?

The most challenge I’ve  been facing is wondering if I need to continue my education or making that next move as a writer. I’m in my 20’s, I have no children and I’m not married. So I know that I have the freedom to do whatever I want to do.
But, the issue is weighing out my options. It’s been four years since I’ve graduated and in my heart I’m not  where I need to be.
I’ve been looking at several grad schools. I thought that Journalism was my calling but it’s not.
So I been looking for creative writing and publishing programs. A good start right?
Well…. not too sure.
Then I began to look for jobs in my field.  There are a.few out and I’ve applied . I will continue to do so.
That’s the “torture” I’ve been putting myself through. The thing is I don’t want to make the wrong decision. I don’t want to regret what I did.
Decisions, Decisions…….