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Hard to say goodbye

I rarely speak about death because like other people; it’s an touchy subject for me.   Today I received news that one of my friends from work passed away due to illness. For some reason that overwhelmed me because yesterday  marked the third month of my grandmother’s passing.  I had no idea it had been that long. Seriously, I think everything happened so fast when my grandmother passed that I didn’t  get to mourn her.

Now, that I found out about my friend, I couldn’t take it anymore I cried so hard. I was just so sad.  I know when people pass away you say about how good of that person was and I can vouch and say she was a good person. She has been through so much with dealing with breast cancer and other personal issues. She continued to stay positive and believe that God had blessed her and still continued to do so. Now if that’s not faith  then I didn’t know what it was.

My grandmother was the same way! She was a praying woman. She was faithful and she put her trust in God no matter what!  So, when I find out about her passing, I felt selfishness come over me. I believe that God is a healer and he is our doctor. So, why is that these people aren’t healed? Why do they have to suffer? Why is that people who trust in God have to deal with these things?  I still don’t understand it.

I hear people say I’m just glad he/she doesn’t have to suffer anymore.  When I think about it, I know it’s truth. I know that both of those beautiful women are in a better place. They won’t have to suffer any longer. They are okay now. It doesn’t still take the hurt away.

 

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My take on Roots reboot so far Series 1 and 2

When I found out that they were re-making Roots I had to say I was disappointed at first. I was wondering why would they remake this series thirty-nine years later! I mean have we took a step back into our history?  As if African-Americans haven’ t been through so much, we are finally trying to move past this and move forward! It’s time that we leave these slave movies, shows, and documentaries in the past and think about the future. I told myself I wasn’t going to watch it. I turned from the commercials because I thought it was ridiculous.

It wasn’t  until Monday night after binge watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta (I can’t help it I think the show is hilarious!) I needed something that was going to bring my IQ up a few notches.  So, I took the chance to just give this series a try. I mean why not? I didn’t really watch the 1977 series of Roots. I tried my best when they were playing on BET but I couldn’t make myself watch it, maybe it was too old school. I wasn’t too sure.   So, i just turned to the History channel to see what it was all about.

By the end of the second series a swarm of emotions came over me. I was happy, sad, angry and just down right mad. I enjoyed everything about this series so far and I’m going to tell you why.

First off if you don’t know what Roots is  I think you should do your research. To make a long story short; Roots is based on Alex Haley’s  New York Times best seller Roots : The Saga of an American family.  The novel  was written based in the 18th century where a young African named Kunta Kinte is captured and sold into slavery in America. It explains his life and his descendants afterwards.  I haven’t read the book just yet but I plan on reading it this summer.

What I like about this series is that it’s a much better updated version of old older series. I have to remember that back then things weren’t as harsh as it is now. Sure, the message was the same but this is much better. I get to see what it was like back then and how everything happened. How our ancestors were brought into this country. It’s a reality check and how things went down.  I love the actors and actresses portrayal of what it must have been like back then.

This series is an eye opener and I would recommend it for any history class or African American study class to watch to really get a small glimpse of what really happened. I think the problem is with some people is they don’t like the fact the maybe we do have too many shows and movies about slavery. We get upset but I’ve never heard any other culture say hey I’m sick of hearing about this part of out history. Or please let’s not talk about it!

Well, I come to the conclusion that we do need to know our history. We need to know about what happened to our ancestors and how they were treated. We need to learn how to stick together as one. Our people have been through too much for us not to just forget it. We need to remember!  Until my next blog.

Peace.

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When you know it’s time for a change…

So this week has been the slowest week for me! To make the long story short,  Monday morning I woke up and I didn’t feel like going to work. I just didn’t feel like it! I didn’t want to be around anybody I didn’t want to see them! I didn’t want to talk to them. I didn’t want to answer the phone, I just wanted peace. I wanted some “me” time. I wanted to stay home and just think about anything but my job!  I still went in though.

The weather was bad too but for some reason traffic wasn’t all that bad.  I got to work in no time.  I clocked in and sat at my desk and logged on my computer and the first thing I saw was two doctors had sent me cancelling their clinic. The first one was from a doctor and she was sick. Then another doctor emailed me this bogus email about how he forgot he had an important “doctors appointment” that he forgot about and to cancel his clinic.

So, this dude forgot he had an appointment? WHO THE HECK FORGETS THEY HAVE AN IMPORTANT DOCTORS APPOINTMENT? I mean damn really? So, I called all the patients and I left messages and rescheduled the ones that answered. After the last call I looked outside and it was dreary and raining. I thought to myself “I don’t want to be here, I want to go home”.  That’s exactly what I did.

I talked to my team leader and told him I wasn’t feeling well by noon I was out of there! I speed out the parking lot and drove to Starbucks to get me a black mango tea, I went to Buckees to get me and snack and I brought myself lunch. I got home stripped out my uniform and start working on my teachers certification.   I was at peace no one was around me bothering me or asking me stupid ass questions about how to send a damn fax . (I work with residents)  Right then I knew what my ah-ha moment was for 2016.  Never give up.

I stopped doing my certification and it got me no where. I knew that once I started it back up, that’s what I was supposed to be doing.  when it’s time for you to leave you know it’s time when you leave work early or when it’s hard for you to get ready for your job. All you can do is continue to press on and do what you’re doing in order to take the next step in life. That’s exactly what I’m going to do.  Until next time!

 

 

Peace!

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It’s all in the face! Day 19 and 20

nene-leakes

If anyone knows me they know that I show my emotions with my face. These last two days were just as challenging as it was the first day. I know that I had to really take a load off and just think on these two days. I know that in one of my earlier post I wrote about how I express myself to a co-worker, sadly I had to do it again. I had to let them know!

Now, there’s a difference between cursing people out and just telling it like it is. Once again, that little voice was telling me “Keep calm, just be firm and please don’t act a fool”!  So, to make this long story short, this particular person was in my bubble and I politely asked her to step out of me bubble and she got upset. She had a nasty attitude and I felt blood boil. My face grew hot and I told her how she was not my boss nor did she write my checks.

Do you see Mrs. Leakes is making? That’s what I looked like when she started to run her mouth as if she was my boss.  Luckily,  someone saw the way this person was treating me and told her supervisor. When I was approached about it I told her everything.

This is a new year for Charmaine Raquel Hudson. I REFUSE to let someone talk or treat me as if I am less than! Just because people may think the job I have isn’t like theirs and I don’t have “Dr.” in front of my name doesn’t mean you’re better than me.

In my eyes you should be blessed that you have that title.  (this person was a medical student in her fourth year) I respect you so please respect me and we’ll be fine! Do I regret what I said?  -No-. Did I apologize? -No, because she didn’t apologize for the way she treated me-.  Do I care if she did? -No-.

I figured the reason why she acted that way towards me because she was having a bad day. You never know what someone is going through. When I saw her the next day,  I said Hello and moved on. That’s all I can do. I will not allow people to stress me out or ruin my day. I’m too cute for that!

Positive note:  Never let anyone disrespect you. If they do… proceed with caution!

 

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Day 16-18 Is MLK day just another day?

I was beyond happy that I had this long weekend off. I hooked up with a couple of girlfriends and went to go see Ride Along 2. It was a good movie! It was funny! I have a crush on Ice Cube so it was good seeing him on the big screen.   This weekend was not just another long weekend it was to observe the great Martin Luther King Jr.  

Monday morning, I was very surprised to see that there were no movies dedicated to him. I didn’t see anything on the History channels about his great works.  Did we really forget why we had this day off? This is no ordinary day. All I seen was trash reality shows coming on all day. Did I partake and go into a binge watch ? … I plead the fifth on that!  Okay, okay, I did and those shows are far from reality!  It was like watching horrible comedy sketches back to back! After Love and Hip Hop I was too through!  

Would  Martin Luther King be distraught to know that we have these shows? Would he be upset to see our people making a fool out of themselves?  Would he be heartbroken to see our sisters stoop down so low to be with a man who doesn’t value them? Would he mad at our brothers for playing women and sleeping around having babies by multiple women and not caring?  

My answer I think would be yes. Is MLK just a day for us? Or is it a day that we need to observe and be thankful for a man like him? He’s done so much for our people and others around us. 

 

Positive note:  Remember who paved the way for us!

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Day 14 and 15.. When your best doesn’t feel good enough

 

These two days I was pretty much in a slight funk because I was ready for the weekend to come and I was trying my best to help train a new person that was working with me. All the while,  I was trying to do everything else.     

Sometimes,  I get the feeling that the things I do gets unnoticed. I work really hard to please the people at my job that includes doctors, residents, and most of all patients. God forbid something happens because when a patient is unhappy, then everyone is going to be unhappy with you.  

My job is to make sure that I put the patients first no matter what. I had talked to a patient that was clearly upset about something that he needed to discuss with his doctor and he cursed and screamed at me over the phone.  I had to really get myself together and calm down. I apologized to the man and tried my best to help him and  made sure the doctor got his message.  

It was like a domino effect after that. It seemed like everyone was not pleased. Eventually, I turned the phones off and just needed peace. I needed to clear my mind and get myself together.  All these negative things started to come to mind. How much I didn’t like my job.  Why do people always rely on me to do this and do that? 

If they depend on me so much why does it feel like even why I do these things it seems unnoticed?  The next day all I got was. “Thanks for handling the situation professionally Charmaine”!   I swear all they needed to do was give me the wink and the gun. I thought to myself “Seriously, thank you”? How about you get that man to apologize to me. Or better yet fire that patient!    

I racked my brain and I came up with this. Even though I know my “good deeds” my be unnoticed to them, I know that in my heart that I did a good job. God knows my heart so that all that matters.  

 

Positive note 14 and 15… You don’t need anyone’s approval of your good deeds!  

 

Aside

Day 13 & 14

These two days were very busy and sort of hard. I was praying for Friday to come so I could start the long weekend ahead.  I’m a fairly patient person and I don’t mind helping people out but it seemed as if everyone was pulling me left and right. I was tired by the end of the day that I didn’t feel like doing anything.

Sometimes I get irritated because so many people are in my face at work and then there’s the patients. I feel like ‘m about to explode and I just get up and walk away.  i go talk to my co-workers and when people are tired waiting for me they leave. When I see them leave that’s when I walk back to my desk and continue to do my work.

I know it may seem bad, but for all the work I do and the checks don’t match up, believe me you would do the same thing.  When I think about it, I think most of us can vouch that we actually do more than what our job description is. It would be nice that we could get paid extra for going above and beyond. I would love to do that.

I had to sit back and think for a moment. I know in one of my post I said be grateful about the job you have.  I realized, that there’s nothing wrong with looking for something that will further your career.    I think everyone deserves an increase in your income and life.

It’s all about how you go about doing it and how bad you want it.

Positive note 13 and 14:

Increase Increase Increase!